Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
