Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize