I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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