i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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