I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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