mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
