dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
