Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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