Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
