the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You may now shotgun with the bride
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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