Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
