sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
