You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
