hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
