i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
