Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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