I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
