**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
