Sry I called you an 8
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
