it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
