I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
