We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
