Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
