I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
