I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize