dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
