I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's never too late to be topless.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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