I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I want a musical about memes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize