I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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