So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Jerry, you need to find god
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
