I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So. Much. Porn.
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