no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
