I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
