I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
