Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize