I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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