One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
