I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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