Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
