grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you had me at cake vodka
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
