We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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