garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish you could order shots online.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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