Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
