I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't like sucking hair
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
