he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
