the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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