i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
