yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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