His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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