Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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