he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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