Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize