Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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