What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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