i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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