i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
