When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
