he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
