one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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