i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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