96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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