Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
40s are totally the cure
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Randomize
