you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Screwed.edu
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
