Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
