i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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