Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
