You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Someone signed my nipple.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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