another moral hangover. fuck.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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