i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
