Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
