Don't make out with my wife yet
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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