I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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